Alec got a Liver Transplant!!!!

ALEC GOT A LIVER TRANSPLANT YESTERDAY!!!

Rampton disclaimer: Per Alec's permission we are sharing some of our post-op pictures with you. You may have to look away, but this is just proof of a miracle:)

May 13^th, 2014 is one of our new favorite dates.  I can’t even begin to describe the relief we have right now.  I am going to write this email to Alec to let him know just how amazing he did despite all of the craziness.

Dear Alec,

            YOU ARE A CHAMP! The things you have had to endure over these past years are mind blowing.  You have done it with such courage, faith, strength, happiness, and love.  I am so proud of you, and I am so happy that you chose me to be by your side through all of this.   I just wanted to let you know what you went through this past night and all the grief and “excitement” ahem, fear you put into our lives while you were on the Surgery table. The doctors absolutely love you and have come to know you and our little family over the years.  They have learned that you are a cool dude, you don’t complain, and that you have an understanding and grateful attitude for them and the hard, beautiful work that they do.  All this time, so many of us have loved being by your side to serve you as you are so easy to love and help because of your kind heart.  You weren’t a difficult patient. Ever . . .Until yesterday starting at 9:45 a.m. when they began the no turning back liver transplant surgery until 10:30 p.m. when they closed you up.

I would like to document the events that transpired yesterday so that we may be able to reflect and draw on the strength and faith that we had in order to have this great ending. 

Around 7 p.m. on Monday, May the 12^th we learned that we had a possible organ coming your way.  You were in your hospital bed as the nurses came to do rounds and pass along the information to the next nurse that would be taking care of you that evening.  Our nurse, Stephanie, had told you she was excited that you were going to get a liver that night.  That was the first you had heard about it and it almost sounded like a joke to you (a mean joke if it ever was one, but it wasn’t thank goodness.) Just then I enter your room and the nurses say, “That’s so great! We are so happy for you!” I look at Alec like, “what are they talking about?” He looks at me like, “I don’t know, I am hearing this too right now.” And so it began.  They started all of the pre-op stuff (i.e. blood transfusions, plasma, fluids, EKG chest x-ray, etc.) that we have come to know a little too well as you have been pre-opt many times with out seeing the operation part. I am happy to say that you made it to the operating room this time and successfully came out with a new organ.

 

Saturday night, you told me that you prayed soooooo hard for Heavenly Father to grant you an organ.  Sunday came and your Meld went from 37 to 40.  The highest we have ever seen it go and a sure sign that good fortune would come promptly.  You said you felt peace ever since that prayer.  I am so happy you did because it was what ultimately calmed your heart and prepped you for what was a pretty intense surgery.  All this time, we have really been close to the spirit.  We lean on each other and the Lord for guidance and reassurance.  From the beginning, you told me, “I’m not going anywhere.”  Anytime I ever felt scared, or spent a little too much time imagining the future and the “what ifs” I would remind myself or those 4 words, “I’m not going anywhere.” It’s funny how we give and take when the other one needs strength.  When you were unsure of things you looked to me.  I would assure you that I felt peace, and that you would be fine.  I loved the fact that you carried the peace with you and for us the day of your transplant.

We anxiously waited from 7 p.m. that night until 5:00 a.m. that morning (now May the 13^th) with little sleep due to the constant prepping and also the nerves.  At 5:30 we said a prayer together on your bedside.  You said it.  You blessed the doctors with a calmed nerve, and that you would be safe. You said that you were grateful for our family. You were grateful for the person donating their organ and blessed his/her family. You were so happy that your prayers, my prayers and all of the prayers said on your behalf were being answered in this very moment. After that I helped wheel you down to the O.R. lobby.  A sweet little moment was when the guy wheeling you down said, Hi, I’m Miles, and I will be taking you down to the O.R.”  We both smiled knowing that at least we had a Miles there with us.  It may not have been “our” lil’ Miles, but a Miles would do. There we said our goodbyes. Lots of Love you’s, be strong, think about our family, and it’s happening!

 

I went upstairs to take a snooze as we had a couple hours before you actually would go into surgery. Best 2 hours of sleep ever! I was jostled by an O.R. nurse telling me that there was an important decision to be made downstairs. She told me that she thought Alec can’t make that alone, so she said, “I’ll go get his wife.”  The decision was this: Whether to wait for another organ offer as this organ was a little fatty (30-35%) or accept it.  (We found out later that his first transplant was the same and it had been awesome! It worked strongly and it was just that his PSC disease re-occurred.  There is still a chance of that happening again after this transplant but most likely we have good odd that it won’t). Possible complications could be a slower kick-start after transplant among some other things. I think this was probably the reason I never felt total confidence and peace in this offer.  We knew for awhile about our surgery but didn’t want to involve anyone but our parents and immediate family members. Not because we didn’t love them, but because this is some serious heavy emotional stuff.  We didn’t want to retract a statement saying, “we are going into surgery, and oh wait . . .it didn’t happen.  False alarm.  (Been there, done that, not doing it again!) The only way I can describe what I have been feeling (and maybe this is how you feel also Alec) is this.  I don’t know if you have ever been to a little kids “splash” park. There are all of these little water features the kids can run through, squirt guns to shoot and puddles to jump in.  Well, there is a particular water feature they have where the water is continually dripping into a bucket 8 feet off the ground.  Once it is filled to the top the weight tips the bucket one way or the other and water dumps down on the kids below.  I feel like that kid waiting for the water to tip and dump all over me. Except I wasn’t excited to get wet . . .at all.  If the bucket tipped it wasn’t going to be a good thing.   This week really would have tipped me over the wrong way. So, that’s why we had to wait until we knew for sure this surgery was going to happen. And so it all began . . . . .

Surgery:

Surgery took from 9:45a.m. until-10: 30 p.m. (what is that 13hours and 15 min?)  The surgeon was Dr. Alonso, the best surgeon ever.  She was attentive, sharp, smart, and like one of the docs told us, “she’s like a Jack Russell, in that she is feisty and she will never give up.”  I am so happy that this was the case.  She was our blessing yesterday.  She was the girl to do the job and we are so grateful for her and her team. We have established such great friendships with all of these people that have taken care of you and our family over the past years, especially the past 3 1/2 weeks we’ve stayed in the hospital.  It’s not a doctor/patient relationship; it’s a doctor/Alec, Megan and Miles relationship. We give hugs (lots of them) not handshakes.  It is so rare and I know the outcome could have been different with out Dr. Alonso and her team. After coming out of surgery, she told us it could have gone either way.  “That was the most difficult surgery to date. He just kept bleeding, and bleeding, and bleeding, and bleeding and bleeding! I am just happy we are here.” I told her “thank you for saving Miles’ daddy’s life.”  She said she actually thought of Miles and it motivated her to make sure Alec would come out alive.  I’ve heard that a lot from all those who participated.  They love you Alec.  We all do.  You connect to all those who get to meet you.  How special are you?! We all need you in our life.  You make us better, happier, stronger, wiser, funnier, faithful-er (yes, I know that’s not a word but I was in a rhythm.)

Dr. Alonso called me (and your/my awesome fam while we were waiting) in the first portion of the surgery and the phone call scared the crap out of me and the rest of us. She said it was very difficult to get through all of your scarring and adhesions safely (later we learned that your old liver was ginormous and sort of attached itself to the aorta…um, scary much?) She told me she wasn’t going to approach it the regular way. She was smart and saw that is wasn’t safe.   She would be going in blind and would most likely make a fatal mistake. She is awesome.  She said the alternative was to open up your chest and open up your ribs so they could get a better view. So, enters into the picture a Thoracic Doc/Surgeon. My brother Ryan made me feel more peaceful about it when he made this statement. “Looks like the free-way is backed up and they have to take the frontage road.” So that they did. We waited a long time after that phone call with not much news, just the fact that it was really busy in there.  I know it was a difficult time for them, but it was also a difficult time for us not knowing if you were going to make it out alive.  I was told I looked tired and that I should take a nap.  Whaaaaaa? There was no way, but I lay down anyway and listened to a Chopin station on Pandora.  DID NOT HELP AT ALL. All it did was it left me alone in my thoughts (and probably the same scary thoughts your parents and everyone else had).  “Is he going to make it? Is he going to be strong enough and live? What will I do with out you? What will Miles do with out you?!” So, I played Plants VS. Zombies 2 (way better than the first one) on the ipad as a distraction.

 

The best phone call of my life (of all of ours) was the call that said they safely got your old diseased liver out.  I’m just guessing here but it seems they might have spent 7 hours alone just trying to get that puppy out.  After that, we were able to breath, and I am hoping they felt better too. We will never really know just what went on in that operating room and all of the things they witnessed, but it’s safe to say I am glad I wasn’t in there to see it. It seemed the surgery progressed at a good pace and they safely finished at 10:30 p.m. Dr. Alonso pretty much busted down the doors in the waiting room looking for a familiar face.  I don’t think she has ever seen your dad in casual clothes, only a suit, (Me neither, hehe. Such a classy man that man) and walked right pass him. Your sister Micah recognized your doc and said, "are you looking for the Rampton family?" I had pushed a couch up to the wall making it like a little cave so I could try and get some sleep.  I hear commotion through my headphones and Dr. Alonzo practically scared the crap out of me but we embraced in a HUGE hug!!!! The relief in that girls eye were undeniable! We were so happy to see her and hear her tell us of your insanely difficult surgery and that you made it out alive. She said your surgery was the most difficult surgery to date. She said it could have gone either way in the operating room and that she was thrilled she was standing here with the news she had. We are happy you are here with us today and that she and everyone else there helped. We saw you later in the ICU and you looked beautiful!!!! I was so pleased to see how much better you looked from even the day before.  Your coloring had already improved in a matter of 30 mins after having a new liver in your body.  Your bilirubin dropped from 45 to 10 pretty much right after they transplanted you.  Your liver already started working, making good clots, and doing what it is normally supposed to do. Don’t quote me on these numbers b/c/I may be off a tiny bit but the Anesthesiologist (Dr. Aiden) told me today that your surgery is the toughest surgery he has had to do also. During surgery he used 135 units of blood on you. They were worried their blood bank for you would run out and so they recycled your own blood being suctioned from your body. His job was to make sure with all the blood you were losing that you had enough in there to keep you alive. He told me that at any given time a man of your stature has a round 6 liters of blood in your body.  The average liver transplant might get anywhere from 1-2 transfusions if that.  Alec you got 7 whole body transfusions!!!!!  Because of it, your potassium skyrocketed. But, once they put you on continuous dialysis things started to get into rhythm.  The word on the street and in the hospital that day was that the O.R. room was a bloody mess.

 

We never know the ins and out of what goes on behind the scenes, and the beautiful people involved, but a Doc did tell me that if he could count how many people were in that room helping you that is was around 40!  This makes me want to cry in joy for all of these hands that safely deliver you from danger.   To these known and unknown angels thank you! Thank you from the top of our hearts (why do people say bottom? I never understood that phrase) Thank you for keeping our family together.  Thanks for keeping my man alive. I have heard from so many of you your genuine concern for Alec, not patient in room 1020.  

So here’s to every position here in the hospital. Cafeteria, phlebotomy, nurses, aides, pharmacist, cleaning lady, social work, nutritionist, P.A.s (Ben you are a stud and have been with us since transplant #1, and Jesse we haven't forgotten about you) Docs, surgeons, coordinators, O.R. peeps, EVERYBODY!!!!!!! THANK YOU! We love you! This has been a long, long, long, journey but thanks for being a part of it with us.  You kept us happy through it all.

To all of our friends, family, and those we haven’t even met, THANK YOU.  We have heard some of your beautiful and tender moments that you have experienced. We hear of prayer lists in the Temples in England, New York, Washington D.C. Chile, and others.  We hear of beautiful meditations, and thoughts in nature.  Even my sister-in-laws dog was wearing a RamptonStrong bracelet on his paw (Thanks Cano). We have received phone calls, texts, emails, hand written cards, food, lawn mowing, brownies, hugs, fasts, treats on our doorstep, etc. you name it, you did it . . . AND IT HELPED US GET THROUGH!

We have just been embraced in a big hug this last crazy year (and always) by all of you and we can’t wait to return the love.

Also, we want you to know that the money we raised last year for Alec’s fundraiser is a big relief for us.   The insurance year started what a month and a half ago? And we have already reached out of pocket max (it ain’t cheap!!! thanks to our 3 and a half weeks here in the hospital and a transplant).  But if it wasn’t for you, especially you Bonneville Mortgage Company! Our stomachs would be in our throats right now or however you say that phrase.  Well, we would just be stressed out of our minds.  Our savings would have already been gone now, so thank you. We will be using that money now for all of this crap. Ha-ha!

Moving forward:

Alec will have a long difficult recovery.  He already is doing amazing just in one-day post transplant. They will probably take his breathing tub out tomorrow as he is already breathing well on his own.  Because he has a giant tube down his throat it has been hard to communicate.  I gave him a pen and a piece of paper and the words he wrote to me were, “I Love You.” Sheeeesh, sure know how to make a girl feel loved.  It sure is reciprocated. Also, you know he is feeling better because using the pen and paper later tonight he wrote, “Had a dream Miles putting honey in Megan’s hair.”  Oh Alec! We love you! Alec is now in quarantine for the next 3 months.  Which sadly means no visitors.  It’s too dangerous. So help me protect him please. We would love to hear from you via email: meganrampton@gmail.com And please don't be offended if we don't respond individually because of well, the circumstances. But we love you! Please know that! We will make it up to you! We have been so phone sensitive waiting for doctors calls and updates that we jump out of a dead sleep to answer them.  This week I will be sleeping a lot trying to recover from the autopilot my body has been on for the past year. So if you don’t mind holding off the phone calls, or text messages for the next week that would be great. I can’t hear a buzz on my phone and not go into an emergency fight or flight mode.  So, definitely email. We want to hear from you.  We want to share this with you. We have needed you this far and we still do.  So thank you for your kindness and respect.  If there is anything more to add, we will update our blog with that information.  Alecandmeganrampton.blogspot.com   I will post this email over there right now and add photos of our process.

Love to you all and mostly love to Alec’s organ donor.  Because of you he is Alive. EVERYONE BE AN ORGAN DONOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU ALREADY ARE, SPREAD THE WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

A little update...

Let me set the scene for you: It’s Sunday, May 4^th, around 7:30 p.m. (may the fourth be with you:))   I’m Sitting on my lil’ perch here in Alec’s hospital room looking outside the east window toward our beautiful mountains while Alec is sitting in a chair across from me.  He has a salmon color sweatshirt on with some handsome eyeglasses and compression socks. Oh! And pants! Haha! I forgot about that very important detail.  The compression socks are great because they are open toe so you can wear flip-flops if you choose to. (One of the bonuses of being a guest in this hospital I guess:)

 Alec just rang the nurse to order some room service (i.e. bring milk, and change bed linens).  I have decided this place is sort of like a hotel (I’m not sure Alec can say the same thing about it since he’s a patient here). There is a gorgeous view of the mountains, soccer and baseball diamonds from your window. There are people coming in to clean your room everyday, put your massaging leg sock things on and giving you fluids through IV’s so you don't have to even use your mouth if you don't want to. One draw back (of many I suppose) is that it's a minimum stay of $1,000 bucks a night and "you usually have to be half-dead to get a reservation"-so says Alec Rampton.

 We are as happy as you can be I guess when you have had to stay in the hospital for 2 and a half weeks.  Honestly though, It brings me great comfort (and him too I think) knowing that he is watched over 24/7 by the nurses and Doctors.  

I had been sleeping over here for a good portion of the first two weeks while my mom stayed at our house watching Miles and our dog. I have managed to get
some great sleep too! Last year after spending nights here w/Alec, Alec's nurse wheeled me down to the E.R. for back spasms and pain.  Nothing a good ole' morphine shot & muscle relaxant can't fix!  But I've wised up since then and was able to nab (with permission of course) an unoccupied patient mattress from another room and put it on the floor here in Alec's room. Unfortunately, that didn't last very long because a legitimate patient needed it. Something about being sick or something? So then, my nurses wheeled out a cot that had been in the closet  or something and I took the mattress off the super springy  springs and placed it on top of the couch pad. Thus, calling it "my perch."  The funny thing is that on a couple of occasions, the P.A.s (physician assistants) would come in and say, "Hey, I think so-and-so takes naps on a cot  like that in our office."  We would laugh and say, "It is their cot haha!" Apparently, there's only one girl on their transplant team short enough to actually fit on
it anyway so we didn't feel all thaaat bad.

Anyhow. . . . Alec is doing great.  I mean, he looks good, his voice is strong and he’s funny as can be.  That's how I really can tell if he feels good. . .if he can still get his funny on. And he can.  He has such a light hearted and happy personality that he really is a joy to be around even if he is uncomfortable. What is sweet, is what a nurse told me in the hallway the other day: "I have been trying to be your guys'  nurse but you guy's are the most requested patients here on this floor!"  First of all, I love how I am apart of the request.  I love that they view Alec and I as one, b/c I think that has been our strong suit. . .just making a great team.  Second of all, I'm not entirely sure that our competition is all that hot. But still, flattery is flattery. Because, come on, seriously, how could anyone not like Alec Rampton?  (Seinfeld quote from Mrs. Seinfeld about her son: "How could anyone not like my Jerry?")

                                                                                                                                                                                                We are grateful for the nurses that we have befriended here as they are the ones who really set the tone for Alec and myself. We laugh with them, cry occasionally, laugh some more, and reminisce on the times in high school when our Pre-frontal Cortexes  weren't formed (still aren't) and  we caused mischief by throwing snowballs, pouring ketchup and mustard packets on friends cars, and leaving items in lunch sacks on porches (you know what I mean, although I never did it:).  I realize that this letter may be passed around further than our immediate family, so do what you have to, roll your eyes, judge, what ever you need to as you are not required to love us unconditionally.

 All in all, Alec is far better off here than he is at home.  He feels a vast improvement in his energy as they have monitored blood levels, potassium, and all the other smart stuff that we couldn't monitor ourselves to get him feeling better. Keyword being: BETTER.  Because let's face it, he still feels like crap (sorry again grandmas) But, we will get there, he will get there soon.  Still just waiting patiently for the perfect liver to join his body and get in on the fun.

In the last month we have received a total of 6 possible organ donations.  The first 3 offers came as  “back-up” offers.  Which means that Alec was not the first in line to receive it, but perhaps second or third.  If the candidate in front of him weren’t compatible with the donated liver (i.e. too big, too small, not healthiest match, etc.) it would then go to the “back-up.”  The next 2 times we were the primary candidate. In the first go around, we were obviously relieved and excited that an organ had become available and was headed Alec’s way. Everything seemed to be going smoothly, but after several biopsies and a close physical inspection, cirrhosis was found in the liver. So, no go!  The second offer that came in ended up being too large of an organ to fit in Alec’s body, plus it was very fatty. Just yesterday he got another offer as a back-up but it went to it’s primary candidate which we are always happy for because it usually means they needed it more, and we hope others will feel the same when Alec gets his as a primary candidate. 

 

Our transplant team of clinical doctors, surgeons, and P.A.’s are an amazing group who have been working their tails off to get Alec the best possible liver.  They really care for him and love us and we love them for their hard work but also their endearing personalities.  They have made what could be a very difficult situation much easier to handle, and we have complete confidence in them and their abilities to get the best possible liver for Alec.The docs have really improved Alec's health while being here.  He is better now than he has been in the last couple of months due to the constant care, fluids, meds, treatment plans, etc. that they have been administering.  It still is just a band-aid though as they are working hard everyday to get this kid a liver transplant.  He is sitting pretty though with a good meld score.  Hopefully we will hear about more offers this week.

We will continue to do our best to keep you posted on Alec’s progress.  Right now his MELD score (position on the liver candidate recipient list) is rising again and with a higher score more opportunities should come his way. We love you all and are grateful for each way you have strengthened us through this.  We are optimistic that a happy ending is near and that is thanks to all of you.

"No news, is Good news," so I guess this aint' such Good News!

We've been running a liver marathon over the past year and hopefully THIS TIME we can cross the finish line. We are so freaking close (excuse my language Grandmas). We have truly appreciated the way in which everyone has been sensitive to our situation.  We have felt each and every prayer and sweet thoughts on our behalf. Everyone has treated us with the perfect amount of respect (letting us know they are concerned but not asking us all of the time). We are very aware that Alec's health issue doesn't just affect myself and Miles.  The effects are far reaching and for that we are sorry but also grateful to have your hearts in sync with ours.  

It's been a very weird  year.  Lots of ups and downs. The best way I can describe what we have been feeling is emotional whiplash. Kicked around when you are already down on the ground.  It's amazing just how much of a beating Alec has taken as well as myself for witnessing what he has had to go through. I am very proud him.  No one else could go through what he is going through with such courage, faith, and optimism.  Our doctor just came in and asked Alec how he was feeling.  Alec responded in his little hospital bed, "Terrible."  I was completely shocked with his response. I told the doctor that if my husband said that he felt terrible he means it! Because usually he says, "I'm ok."  The doctor replied, "I know. We all know. This guy is as tough as they come." It has been a whole year living poorly and the kid needs a break.  Hopefully its coming soon.  I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to have doctors treat you that truly knows you.  You don't have to repeat the same stuff a billion times to ten different people.  They have been with us every step of the way and for that we are so grateful.  Talk about Heavenly Father having our backs.  I can't imagine going through this in a different state, or even hospital.  We are so impressed with our doctors sharpness and love.  I think it is very rare. 

                                       

People often ask us, "How are you guys doing?" We typically reply with, "We're hanging in there."  I think we decided to stick to that answer because it was just getting to hard to tell people the details of our lives and watch their reaction.  So much sympathy, compassion, and heartache in their eyes for us.  We live this life everyday. Some days better than others. Sadly, we have become accustomed to our new life. But, others have not.  It hurts to watch others hurt for us. We would rather not worry others, especially those who are far away. It's a circumstance that is beyond our control and yours. But, now you are lucky (or maybe not lucky) because I feel like telling you what has gone on over the past year, especially recently.  Alec has been on a feeding tube (called TPN that comes from a port in his neck) for a little under a year.  This gives him 100% off his daily calories and nutrition.  He has had such a poor diet (no diet at all) that this really acts as his life support.  He's a skinny guy averaging around 145-150 at 6'2". I don't even want to think what would happen if he didn't have this intravenous feeding.  He's been eating ice chips and popsicles for the last 2 months about.  He throws up at least once a day. He is nauseated all day long.  He is weak. He has lost pretty much all of his muscle mass.  He gets dizzy.  He can't drive. He has shortness of breath. He gets muscle cramps. He needs a babysitter (i.e.) to watch over him everyday.  His mind is foggy.  He sleeps allllll the time.  He has short term memory loss. He moves from bed, to couch, to bathroom, to couch, to a chair in the sun outside, and back to bed.  He is plain and simple: exhausted.  And why wouldn't he be? So, with all of these symptoms creeping up a little more intensely just in the past couple of weeks and especially the last 2 days, it was time to go back to the hospital.

Yup, we had to come to the hospital last night.  Although Alec's main problem is his liver, his kidneys have taken a beating in the process. So, we are back giving them a lil' TLC. We just had some of the team come in and give us an update on Alec's x-ray and ultra sound.  I shared the information over the phone with Alec's father Vince. He is such a stinking smart man, and I'd rather relay his response on Alec's diagnosis than my own.  His way makes more sense.  (Also, please excuse my poor grammar and sentence structure.  Half of the problem is that the English language is not really in my skill set. Even though I graduated College, I still believe I capped out smart wise around the 8th grade. 1/4 of the problem is because i come from a generation of knuckleheads that changed the english language to fit in text message form. And, the last 1/4 is because I am so stinkin' tired and I won't proof read this).  Ok. So. This is Vince's text message that he relayed to his kids after talking to me.  "Megan can correct this if it's off base, but I understand the situation to be this. Alec's docs have decided to hold off on dialysis for now. Instead, they will administer Coumadin, a blood thinner (generic name: Warfarin, the principal ingredient in rat poison, but that's another story) to alleviate congestion in a main blood vessel passing through the liver.  This will also hopefully aid in normalizing the kidney function, but the big pay off will hopefully be to spike the INR component of his MELD score (already at 29). That's right they finally have a diagnostically-defensible reason to give him what he needs to qualify  for transplant priority."

Pretty much, we are on the right track toward our end goal to receive a transplant.  You never know when it will happen though. Alec has been on the transplant list for a little over a year. We hope its right around the corner. So in your prayers and in your hearts ask for a happy ending because we are "over it!"      

 I have to give the Easter lesson in church  and so last night  Alec and I read a beautiful talk together given by Elder Wirthlin.  It couldn't have come at a better time because we had just gotten to the hospital and we were both feeling frazzled, discouraged, and tired.  We did not want to be here.  And then on top  of it, everything was different about the hospital floor we have come to know.  When the level 10 button was pushed in the elevator and the doors opened I didn't recognize "our floor."  They refinished the floors from carpet to tile.  That upset me.  (I mean, I know it's cleaner and all, but don't go changing things that I have become familiar with).  

Then, when we asked if our favorite Nurse Jason still worked on the 10th floor, they replied nope. He works in the ER now.  I lost it! I started to bawl.  Somebody give me some familiarity here! As I looked around I didn't recognize any of the nurses that we have come to know and love.  My anxiety levels raised through the roof and I felt a panic attack coming on and realized I had forgotten my inhaler. Alec used the restroom and I told him that Jason wasn't here.  We both held each other and cried.  We needed that one person that calms us and lifts us up here.  Later that night, we had a nurse we knew, Ashley. She's a gem. We felt a lot better. And then, when Alec pressed the nurses call button and cute little Cathy answered we looked at one another and smiled.  She has the sweetest little voice that just reminds us how a grandmother talks to her grandchildren. So tender. With all of these little blessings to show us that we were watched over and comforted, we started to accept the fact that we needed to be here and that it was right to be here. We settled in and read Elder Wirthlin's words: 

Sunday Will Come

BY ELDER JOSEPH B. WIRTHLIN

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

From an October 2006 general conference address.                                

The Dark Friday of the Crucifixion

I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross. On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth.

Those evil men who sought His life rejoiced. Now that Jesus was no more, surely those who followed Him would disperse. On that day those men stood triumphant.

On that day the veil of the temple was rent in twain.

Mary Magdalene and Mary, the mother of Jesus, were both overcome with grief and despair. The superb man they had loved and honored hung lifeless upon the cross.

On that Friday the Apostles were devastated. Jesus, their Savior—the man who had walked on water and raised the dead—was Himself at the mercy of wicked men. They watched helplessly as He was overcome by His enemies.

On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled. It was a Fridayfilled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God.

I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.

Sunday Will Come

But the doom of that day did not endure.

The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.

And in an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence.

Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, in this life or the next, Sunday will come.

 

I would like to add my testimony to Elder Wirthlin's.  We have all had our fridays, but just as we know the sun will rise the next day we know that there will be relief to our heartaches.  How our hearts have been tugged in this past year. We are grateful for our Testimony knowing that the Savior Jesus Christ has risen.  We know this to be true.  I don't want to step on anyones toes here, so know that this is my opinion and it is completely out of love.  But really think about this, Someone had to created us.  There has to be a designer.  This designer designed man as His best creation.  Do you really think the end game is death? That We come here to live our lives, work in some of our crappy jobs, take the same route home to and from, eat some yummy food, have some good laughs, meet great people, some weird, learn some spiritual lessons and then thats it? I know that this can't be true.  We are here to progress, to grow, to learn all that we have, to share all that we have with others just as the Savior Jesus Christ did on the cross and through his resurrection we all have the chance to live again.  And be free with out pain and Liver disease!!!! This gospel message gives me so much hope. 

I am so grateful for the little miracles we have received thus far in our lives.  It truly comes from a watchful and concerned Heavenly parent. Out of all the things that have gone on through out my life I am most grateful for the huge heart i have been given.  My capacity to love is what makes me happy.  I love meeting new people and learning their stories.  I love diversity.  Its what makes us all so beautiful.  We are the same though however in that we are all God's children. We all need each other.  (Even Karl Malone:) 

Ill leave you with this message that Alec and I read which also calmed our hearts and gave us strength and peace for the things in which we will have to go through in these next coming week/weeks. It is because of all of you and HIM that we can do this and do this well and with a happy heart. Thank you all! And have a happy easter weekend!! we will keep you posted. Please share with whomever. We could use the love and prayers:)

xo Megan and Alec and Miles

Elder Marvin J. Ashton (1915–94) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles discussed how we can fulfill the Lord’s commandment to feed His sheep:

“Jesus said, ‘Feed my sheep.’ (John 21:16.) You can’t feed them if you don’t know where they are. You can’t feed them if you give them reason to resist you. You can’t feed them if you don’t have the food. You can’t feed them if you don’t have charity. You can’t feed them if you aren’t willing to work and share. …

“Those who need help come in all age brackets. Some of His sheep are young, lonely, and lost. Some are weary, afflicted, and worn with age. Some are in our own family, in our own neighborhood, or in the far corners of the world where we can help with fast offerings. Some are starving for food. Some are starving for love and concern.

“If we give His sheep reasons to resist us, the feeding process becomes difficult, if not impossible. No one can teach or help with sarcasm or ridicule. Dictatorship or ‘I’m right and you are wrong’ will negate all efforts to feed a wandering sheep. A wall of resistance will be built, and no one will benefit. …

“By our actions we show our love. Expressions of affection are empty if actions don’t match. All His sheep need the touch of a shepherd who cares” (“Give with Wisdom That They May Receive with Dignity,” Ensign,Nov. 1981, 91)

September 2013

It's been 4 1/2 months since we've posted so here's some smaller posts to hopefully catch up. 

September consisted of no changes in my health really and some run drives to take in the last of summer and the slow transition into fall. 

It has been such a blessing to enjoy some relatively good energy in order to spend time as a family. On the many days when I had no energy to go out, Megan coped and relieved stress by demolishing our basement so that we can hopefully make it a livable area. 

She's an animal, and has done more than I could ever imagine as our own family contractor and as our mother, wife, nurse and care-taker. She's amazing!

So yeah, September was good to us.